So....

As i've been bitching about my life and all the things that stress me out... I go to Running Off the Reeses and she has this video on her post:

Yeah... I should be grateful for all that I have. I know that I can make it through anything, but I'm am blessed. I also remember my desire to go to Africa. This morning, on the Today Show, there was a lady who had been kidnapped by Somali militants. She was held captive and raped every day until her family finally paid and allowed her to go free. This morning, she was back in Somalia helping give food to starving people.

Her story

I also remember a story I watched on ESPN about a legally blind guy and his friend who has no legs. They are both poor kids from Cleveland. They didn't just accept what fate had given them, but accepted it as a challenge and learned how to become good people.

their story

so.....

I'm going to remember that my life's trials are small and I choose how to make it better



I thought of something else...

As I continue on this downward spiral of crazy, i cling to some things that I know work for me when I get crazy.

1) Meditation: more than anything, staying in the present is the only thing that makes sense. I can't change what's happened in the past and I can't control what is happening in the future so the only thing that is real is the present. I can only attend to what is happening in the present. And the only way that I can learn to focus on the present is meditation. There are so many different avenues to meditation and I think each person is different. For me, I've explored lots of different things but the things I like the most are guided meditations and focusing on my breath. There are tons and tons of podcasts full of guided meditations so it's easy to find and FREE!! I always try to light a candle for someone in need (usually someone other than me so I can practice not being selfish but if I need some extra love and care, I can choose me or a situation I'm in) and then I ask God to show me a different perspective on whatever problem or situation in my life. I know that I can always change my outlook if I just ask for a little guidance, so that's what I do.

source

I actually do usually sit like this because I've found it helps me move into a quiet time more easily than if I'm sitting in a chair or lying down. But you can do whatever. I seriously think this is something that is person and private for everyone. I also meditate when running, no music, just quiet time. It's pretty easy for me to let go of my thoughts when running too.

2. Making a plan: this is honestly just for me to get focused more than it is to actually implement. I rarely follow the plan I create, but it helps me get focused. I am a teeny bit overcommited right now so I actually do have to make a plan to make sure I don't forget something important. I have a feeling that I'm going to be spending the next couple of sundays here:

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3. Talk to friends: I tend to beat myself up a bit. I can get bogged down in all of the things going on that don't seem to be going as planned and start to blame myself for not being better. I am support to be perfect at everything and if I fail, then something is wrong with me. That is my thought process sometimes. So it's nice to have a group of supportive friends that remind me that I'm doing a good job and I'm being too hard on myself. And really if I actually say my thoughts out loud to another person, I can kind of hear how ridiculous I'm being too.

this is my friend Amy  (left) - she has gotten the brunt of this lately

my friends Lori (far left) & Jeanne (middle) - both always listen and Lori has really listened a lot lately!

Meredith (left) & I in New Orleans. She's my marathon buddy (she's ran all 3 races (half marathons) with me) and has helped me out a LOT at work

I'm starting a new book called The Presence Process.

Amazon

Here is the product description from Amazon:

"Today we all face an increasing flow of events about which we may feel we can do nothing. This is not true. It is crucial we now experientially realize we are each responsible for navigating the quality of our personal experience. This book teaches us how to embrace authentic personal responsibility. It reveals the mechanics shaping the way we feel about our life and how we manifest our experience in a manner empowering us to respond consciously to every facet of our lives. It offers a simple, practical approach to accomplishing and maintaining personal peace in the midst of accelerating change, discomfort, conflict, and chaos."

I'm super excited about it. Everyone I know that's read/done it says it has changed their life.

What do you do when feeling stressed?

How do you get back to the basics?

Have you ever read the Presence Process?

Hola...

I'm not trying to ignore everyone here... I just haven't had anything special to post.

Right now, i feel like this...

source

stressed

I feel stressed about work, training, my running group, my diet, money, etc etc etc etc etc...

So that's where I am and I think because of that, I haven't had any fun ideas about blogging. Sorry guys :(

My training this week so far has been this:

Monday: 7 hill repeats - 60 seconds with a warm up mile and a cool down walk

Tuesday: rest

Wednesday: 4 x 3 minutes repeats with a 3 minute recovery

4 x 1 minute repeats with a 2 minute recovery

warm up and cool down mile

I also have done most of my fitabs stuff. Today I have to do 250 and I'm done with my 3000

Woot woot.

I hope I have something fun for you tomorrow. 





The Hunger Diaries

just kidding, I don't really even know what that has to do with anything (the title that is). I just have been thinking more about my intentions and specifically as it relates to food.

I have a hard time finding a balance between healthy and unhealthy behavior. I've struggled with body image issues for YEARS - I even remember thinking how fat I was in high school and I totally wasn't. But I was an overeater. I've always had a "healthy appetite" and I don't mean that I enjoy eating healthy, I mean, I could eat you and anyone you know under the table. As I gained weight (most of this was after I stopped drinking), I just got more and more disgusted with my body BUT I could NOT stop eating. It was very stressful/intense/hopeless. I just didn't have the "willpower" to make the right food choices so I would eat poorly, feel guilty about what I ate, then eat to make the guilt go away, etc etc etc etc.

In 2007, I started working out and dieting. I was able to get VERY strict with my diet and while I was not starving myself, because that would never happen, I became obsessed with measurements. My diet was very repetitive and I measured everything. I did the zone because it gave me an outline for how to eat and I took that to the nth degree. Then, the control I had started to slip and I had even MORE guilt. My cheat days went from 1 day to 2 days to 3 days until finally I was eating the zone on monday and cheating other days and created a whole new level of guilt.

I finally got some relief when I started seeing a therapist about my eating habits. I read a book called Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth which was AMAZING and it basically gives you a guide on how to eat. It's so awesome.

source

Anyway, I like where I am now in that I allow myself to eat what I want, but what I want isn't always necessarily bad. I think the fact that I allow myself to eat what I want doesn't make food seem so attractive. The idea that I can eat a cookie at 9 am if I want takes away the desire to eat a cookie at 9 am, if that makes sense. I go through phases where I eat dessert three times a day and then I don't like the way I feel so I go back to eating a little healther again. The biggest difference is that I don't struggle with that decision the way I used to. I just simplly make the change and that's it.

Where I am today with this, and the decision I need to make is that I have been struggling with some nausea on and off for the past 6 months. I've also had some breakouts and I think both can be linked back to my diet. More specifically, dairy. Let me tell you, I love dairy. I love milk, cheese, yogurt, all that is dairy. And the idea of not eating it is devastating to me. The other fear I have is cutting out an entire food group. That is a no no for me because I can get obsessive. And I just don't want to go through that again. So, how do I make some minor changes in my diet, which is reduce the amount of dairy I eat and I think bread as well, without going to crazy town. if I'm making the decision based on health reasons, will it be easier? My problem is that if I lose weight, or don't lose weight, I am scared of where it can take me.

So I think what my first course of action will be is to just take it down a notch on the gelato/ice cream/desserts. Then I can reassess and make adjustments. It seems so simple but I assure you, for me, it is not.

Do you struggle with food issues?

Do you have experience cutting out dairy? 

Welp, just so I won't be the only one...

Every blog I am reading it talking about it being the beginning of August. So I wanted to make sure I wasn't being left out...

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One thing I have been thinking about is the idea of setting an intention. In Yoga, you always set an intention for your practice. Actually, Holly, always talks about setting an intention for each workout, each race, etc. So I thought I would set an intention for August but I am going to do it by category.

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Food: My intention is to eat intuitively, try not to eat too many sweets, especially ice cream, and try to eat as clean as possible without creating a crazy, stressful plan that I can't follow and will make me feel guilty. I think the week in Atlanta through me off a little and I can definitely tell now.



Working Out: To use that time to be with myself. No music, no groups, no distractions. Obviously I lead the wednesday morning group, so I'll be a part of that but my monday runs and long runs are going to be solo. I try to meditate every morning, but it's hard to do when I get up at 5 am to workout, get done at 6:30 and then have to get ready for work. I usually get in about 5 minutes per day but since I use that time to seek and ask questions, 5 minutes really isn't enough. So since I have the opportunity to train solo, that's what I'm going to do. And I think I'm going to enjoy it. Yesterday, I ran on the treadmill and watched the Braves game but used no music and it was awesome and peaceful. I LOVE running without music.

Money: I need to reel it in. I am having a hard time finding a balance between not being too rigid with money, but also not being responsible. If we have the idea that money is scarce, then money will be scarce, no matter if it really is. If we have the thought of abundance, then we will live a life of abundance. That does not translate to spend money, we'll have money, but what I'm saying is, if I'm grateful for what I have and know that it's enough, I won't always worry about getting/making more. I'll talk more on this another time. Either way, I am going to really try to make an effort to not spend money unless it seems to be necessary. I won't define that for know, but just try to be conscious when spending

Work: to give it all I have without fear of the future. I have been so overwhelmed at work and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with it. I am in sales, and all commission too!!, which can sometimes be scary, but I've done well so far this year and I'm not going to worry about it (see above). So, I'll just go to work and give it my all and not worry about the rest. When I do that, everything seems to fall into place. It's when I stress out about performing that I under perform. It's that whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing

schedule: my intention is to reduce things I am doing during the week so that I can spend more time with my husband and get the appropriate amount of rest I need. I tend to go go go go go until I'm so tired I can't take anymore. So, I'm trying to workout in the mornings to leave my evenings free and then NOT scheduling anything in the evenings. This week is not going so well though because I have something every night... so note to self

relationships/spiritual: whatever you want to call it. Probably a lot of what i've said above can be put in this category. Take time for myself/family, trust that I'm going to be okay and let go of the need to control, but the only other thing I want to add is to see the best in people instead of the worst. one of the posts today on one of my favorite blogs mentioned this today in their daily post. It's so easy to see where someone is flawed but me being flawed myself, how can I put expectations on others that I can't live up to myself? So this month, I want to focus on the good things about people and move on from the rest.




These aren't specific goals but just an intention I'd like to put out there and hope that I can remember daily

Random Weekend Happenings

So much has happened this weekend, I kinda want to blog about it all. It's been busy and full of training - maybe to make up for not doing crap this whole week.

First things first: the bike ride from hell

Elisa invited me to do this ride at Paris Mountain which is only about 16 mile. I thought, eh, I can do that. So we meet up at 6:45 and are on the road by 7. I got to drive my hubby's new truck which on one hand makes me feel guilty (i'm am vehemently against big gas guzzlers - although he uses it for work) but on the other, it was nice!!! I just stuck my bike in the back... BAM. Anywho, Elisa and i start up the mountain and I thought, well, this is a little difficult.. but I'm sure I'll be okay. And then we climbed, and climbed, and climbed. I looked down, I had only gone 2 miles. I wanted to scream. Then we climbed more... I was going about 4 miles an hour, no joke. It was wild. At one point I had to stop. Actually, I saw a pretty view and thought, oh, I'll stop to take this pic but really it was my out. Then I had to WALK - YES - WALK my bike up to meet Elisa. It was the last .10 of a mile and there was NO WAY I was climbing anymore. I honestly was queasy, thought I was going to puke, legs were shaking, felt dizzy, light headed... no no... bad times. But after the horrific 4 miles (um, yeah, 4 miles) it wasn't bad. A lot of it was downhill and then we rode through some neighborhoods to get back to the starting point. Turns out, it was 1300 feet in elevation change in 4 miles. Seriously. But I did get some good pics.

this was the view from Furman. If you've never been to this campus, you are missing out. It's beautiful

the first stop where i thought i was dying

At the top, going down

Elisa and I

we saw a group of turkeys.. what's the term? Gaggle, I dont know. but I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. This is all I could come up with.. see him?? 

After getting back, we ran a little over a mile in about 9:40, so I thought that was a success!

Then my hubby & I went shopping. We went to the Farmers market dowtown:

Thanks to my chiropractor, Dr Rob at The Joint, I got some clip in pedals. Then we went to On On Tri and got some shoes!! Woot Woot!!

this could be an accident waiting to happen but everyone keeps telling me it will change my life when it comes to cycling

I can't wait to take my bike, get the stuff put on and go on my next ride! I think I need to practice in some grass first though. Other exciting news, my husband is going to buy a used road bike (he only has a mountain bike right now) so hopefully we can ride together some. It would be a fun thing for us to do together. 

Today's training was intense but good. I needed to get in the pool AND I needed to get in a long run (well, semi-long) AND I needed to start my Fitabs because I have 1000 to do this week in order to stay on track and finish in 35 days. So my workout looked like this:

Swim

100 meter warm up swim

4x75 meters (25 m kick drills/50 m swim) with a 45 second rest in between each 75

4 x 75 meters (all pull drills) with a 30 second rest in between each 75

10 x 25 m swim fast and then rest 30 seconds between each 25

100 meter cool down swim

*I went to the pool Friday night and the swimming instructor at the life center, Corie, took time out to help me correct a few things on my breathing and teach me a couple of things to improve my endurance. He told me I was too advanced for the adult swim class (yes, I'm a natural) so those things might help and I can could possibly do private lessons in the future. My issue right now is breathing every third stroke as opposed to every other. I start to run out of breath and then I freak out because I can't breathe and then I either breathe in when my face is in the water (like a dumbass) or I panic and breathe a stroke early. Of COURSE, I have mental issues with swimming - my thinking ALWAYS screws me up. But I do think the more I swim, the better it'll get. 

THEN run:

I had to run 65 minutes this week (taper week) so I ran 4 minutes, walked 1 minute on the treadmill. I never train on the 'mill but it's hot outside here (98 with over 80% humidity) and I didn't feel like getting up at 5:30 so I just did it on a treadmill. 

first 35 minutes: 1% incline, 6.2 for 2 minutes, 6.3 for 2 minutes, then walk 1 minute

35-40: 1.5% incline - same speed interval

40-45: 2% incline - same speed interval

45-50: 1.5% incline - same speed interval

50-55: 1% incline - same speed interval

then cool down for the last 10 minutes and a 5 minute walk at the end

LASTLY: 

200 abs

25 full sit ups

25 toe touches with medicine ball

25 russian twist type things from Coach Ashley

25 leg kicks

1 minute plank on elbows

1 minute plank on hands

1 minute plank per side (as in 30 sec per side)

35 bicycles

35 I don't know what you call them - they're like the pilates 100 things

and stretch... I was in the gym for 2 hours but honestly, I enjoyed every single second of it. I wish I could just get paid to workout. I would do well in that job. 

So my training for the week should look like this:

Monday: speed work 5:30 am with Go Run group

Tuesday: Morning Swim - use beginner triathlete learn to swim training plan

Wednesday: Interval work with 5:30 Go Run group

Thursday: Morning Spin class

Friday: rest

Saturday: long run - second swim workout - I will be in Lake logan with my friend Lori who is competing in the Olympic Triathlon but maybe I'll do this when I get home. Could we see another long run on a treadmill - perhaps

Sunday: Bike ride assuming my bike is ready - I'm getting a tune up in addition to adding pedals

Finally, Go Run got our hats in and I'm excited. I hope people like them and we sell out!!

these also come in black

these also come in white

How was your weekend?