An Extension of Yesterday

I realized that I didn't get to finish my thoughts from yesterday so I thought I would do that today. As I was saying, I've always been in search of the end result without wanting to take part in any of the process. I somehow believe that the end result is going to bring me the happiness I so desire, but the process will not. I think that I have just always been wrong in thinking that completing certain goals and saying I checked off a certain box will somehow complete my life.

Some examples:
*If I make a certain amount of money, then I will feel like ______
*Once I can run a half marathon in this amount of time, I will be happy
*If I weigh ____ much, then I can feel okay with myself

This list could go on and on and while I'm saying this about myself, I feel strongly that most people are this way which is why we have get rich quick schemes and an entire diet industry built on the hopes that people continue on that path. What would those companies/industries do if we just enjoyed the process and did things in the appropriate way?

How I can relate that to yoga is exactly what I was discussing yesterday. I would go into a hot yoga class, have a set expectation of where I should be and push myself to get into poses that while, yes, I could do them, but was it what I should have been doing, no. One thing I've learned is that every class is an opportunity to push myself a little over my own edge and by doing that, I'm building a foundation that is very strong. I can't watch a yoga video such as the one below and then attempt to do those things. I don't know how long that person's been practicing and in reality, if I will get to where she is.

The question I ask myself now is this: let's pretend that I can now do every pose in the video exactly as she's done it - then what? A lot of things I want and desire are such a fantasized idea that I've romanced but in reality, won't do anything differently for me than what I've got now. And this is so beyond just a yoga class, it's just easy for me to relate it to that. For example, I've saved up the amount of money that I NEVER thought I would save up BUT somehow thought would bring me a life so secure and fulfilled, I'd finally be satisfied. Guess what - no it didn't. I finally reached a weight that I felt was "good" and guess what, not only was I not happy, but I was more miserable than I had been at a heavier weight. What was the lesson that I learned?

1) Acceptance of where I am

2) I must find joy in the process

3) Happiness doesn't come from an achieved goal

Because I feel secure in myself from an internal place, it's easy for me to accept where I am in life. I'm really find with where I am and I realize that my situation could change at any point BUT my happiness doesn't have to. Why, because I am in control of that. I can choose my mood any time of the day, any day of the week. I also can appreciate the process and where I am in it. I have short term goals, I have long term goals and I may reach some of them or I may realize I don't need them and can change my mind. But no matter what, I can learn that whatever process I go to get there will be necessary. It just makes it so much easier to say, yeah, I'm find with it. What other choice do I have? 

By taking those expectations off of myself and understanding that there are certain steps I need to take to get to a goal, I can hold back a bit in that yoga class, accept that right now, I am going to be this weight, have to give up that thing I want for the bigger picture. And while it's taken me 32 years to figure that out, I'm grateful that I did now and not at 62 because as much as I've struggled and grappled with my mind over that time, I think it would suck if I had to do it for that many years. UNLESS that was part of the process :)

Namaste y'all :)

Getting Back to Basics

In 2010, after years of flipping back and forth, I started a regular yoga practice. At the time, I was very into running and fitness, so I gravitated towards the fad of hot yoga. I think my thoughts were that, it's okay for me to be doing something as slow as yoga as long as it's powerful, I'm pushing myself and it's hot as crap. I was still at a point where I felt like, I must be pushing myself to the limits every day, otherwise, I'm not worthy in some way. It sounds weird saying it, but how many Type A personalities feel like if they're not competing in every aspect of their lives, they somehow aren't living up to the expectations that they put on themselves? I don't think it was just me.

Fast forward to today and find that I'm happy just walk/running and doing yoga and one can see what I call growth (although if you're still caught in that Type A trap, you may not agree). I don't say that in a condescending way, I just mean that some people my have a different perception of what I'm about to discuss.

In these classes, I got a lot of benefits just like you do in any yoga class. I was able to focus my mind, stretch my body, etc. I took the approach that I need to do every pose offered and that I ALWAYS needed to be pushing for that next pose. I think the reason that became a challenge was because I was not listening to my body and I sometimes sacrificed building a foundation in order to reach a certain pose. Throughout my extensive workout career where I've tried pretty much everything, the thing I've discovered most is that having the foundation is very important in preventing injury. I started thinking about that idea this morning and realizing that I not only followed that pattern in working out, but also in everything else. I've always had a desire to reach a certain goal or destination without first putting in the work to get there. I want to have the end result and skip the process that goes along with it. With work, there were times when I was frustrated that I hadn't been able to push my career along to the next step, but I wasn't making the appropriates call to get there. I felt frustrated by the fact that I did the first step and failed. I wanted to be perfect from the very beginning.

As I've continued on my yogic path, I am now finding solace in not being perfect in a class. I am enjoying coming to the mat and acting as though this is something I've never done before. Over the weekend, I tried to listen to every direction that Liz gave. I loved the simplicity of the class, the focus on the breath, the movement and the foundation. It inspired me to make some changes in my own teaching because it's so easy, even now, for me to want to challenge my students in a physical way. In my mind, I think, I want to give them the opportunity to learn the next step and to push themselves but maybe what I want to challenge them to do is to push their minds and push their breath work. I want to make sure that they're building a strong foundation because in the perfection of the simplicity is where we can start to try different things.

My intention for the week is to teach in that specific way - my class is going to focused on the breath, simple poses, and meditation during movement. I'm excited to see how that goes! If you're in the area, I'd love for you to come and give me feedback. I'm teaching at 6 am at Yoganize on 2105 Old Spartanburg Rd, Greer, SC.

Hope to see you there.