a photo of Ellie when we went to Clemson
The biggest challenge I've had this pregnancy has been hormones and emotions. I am feeling a lot of emotions and fear about going from one baby to two. At first, it was just fear about having an infant again, and what that will be like with a toddler. How will I get Ellie to nap and tend to the baby at the same time? What about bed time? How will I nurse? Will the baby easily hang while I take Ellie on playdates? Then I started to get really concerned about how Ellie would handle sharing me. She is a very attached baby, she's very shy, and she loves mama! She loves to snuggle which is awesome, but how will she handle me nursing the baby, or putting him to bed? Then, I started to really "mourn" the "loss" of our relationship. That sounds so crazy because we're not losing our relationship, but it will no longer be just Ellie and I. There will be another. I know that I will love him just the same and there will be a beautiful relationship between the two of them that I have never experienced since I'm an only child, but still, it will be different.
I've done a lot of journaling about this and I think I'm finally coming on the other side. I'm accepting the fact that it will be hard, it will be different, but I can handle it just like many other moms do. I'm focusing on all of the positive aspects of adding another child to the mix and I realize that I am very lucky to 1) be able to have very easy pregnancies, 2) be able to have another baby, 3) be able to stay, at home with the babies and 4) be present enough to work through emotions as they arise so I can be the best mom I can be. It's definitely not perfect but I feel like I'm doing a lot of the good stuff like being present and loving them. What a blessing!