That blog is focused solely on fashion, beauty, and home and I have been wanting to just write about my experience as a mom, show some of y photography as I learn, etc. I'm participating in a 52 week photo challenge with Clickin Moms and it's been fun. I'm meeting new people (online anyway) and learning more about photography which has been a nice creative outlet for me as I"m deep in the throws of motherhood.
|Finding the Light|
This week, the prompt was "Finding the Light". I chose this photo for a couple of reasons. One is that you can see how the light is hitting her on the side of the face, lighting her up. I love to take photos where there is a sharp contrast in light and then converting it to black and white. I think it's interesting to show the variations between the two colors and display a lot of tones using only that palette. The second reason is that I feel like Ellie has been a light for me. Before her, I really struggled with purpose and meaning in my life. I felt as though I had become stagnant in a number of areas, mainly because I was comfortable where I was and too afraid to make a change. After Ellie, my priorities were challenged and I have been forced to slow down. She has challenged me to look at who I am and make changes that I otherwise wouldn't make. It's actually been a somewhat painful process and it's still painful, not because she is bad, but because my own defects of character have become QUITE APPARENT. There is really no hiding from my lack of patience, my quickness to anger, my discomfort with being uncomfortable, my fight or flight response. I am like a grown up toddler. But I don't want to screw her and Alex up, so here I am, learning to be better and learning to love myself in the process too.
I think I really love black and white photography because I used to be a black and white person. I believed there was right, and there was wrong, and there were no exceptions. It was either this way or that way. I've come to realize through motherhood that the gray area is so huge and that the solution can actually be a lot of things. This has been clear to me in many situations in my life and motherhood has been no exception. As always, I'm the different mom who has to do things the hard way, but I feel strongly in the choices I make for Ellie even when they seem crazy to everyone else. She's a challenge, and I think she needs to be nurtured in a way that is different than others. I may be wrong, but I have to go with my intuition and while that is scary because I could be completely wrong, it's just what I feel like I need to do. I'm grateful for the gray area because that's where I need to live.
p.s. if you want to see the first 6 weeks, follow me on Instagram