Finding Happiness Within

Let me start this post by saying I'm not a big fan of the new blogger interface, but I guess it's time to convert since it will be happening soon anyways. In the meantime, I'm going to have to get used to it and figure out the differences from old and new. I also was thinking about getting one of those programs for writing blogs instead of having to write them in blogger - does anyone have any suggestions? I have a MAC so that does make a difference.

Anyway, yesterday, I was sitting at my desk and I just had that icky, restless feeling. I think I've gotten those feelings a lot over the years, but have never really been able to identify it. I immediately started thinking of ways to "fix" that feeling. I tried eating something. Then I started fantasizing about a different job. But really, I can't think of another job I would want to do. And then, for the first time ever, I thought, maybe I am just feeling like this right now and it doesn't have anything to do with anything going on around me. I don't really understand why I have that feeling. It doesn't happen often, or who knows, maybe it does and I just don't realize it at the time. Maybe I just decide to eat candy or I pick a new project to become obsessed with.

I keep myself busy. It wasn't until the end of last year that I decided it was time to slow down. And honestly, because of that, I've had to make some sacrifices. I've had to miss out on interesting workshops, trips, time with friends but I realized that I can't be in 20 different places at the same time and that I'm just straight up tired. So, I've made a concerted effort to SLOW DOWN and be more present in everything I do. I think what I've realizes is that there is a REASON that I keep myself so busy & maybe this "icky" feeling is one piece of it.

Here's my question - what causes that? Why do I feel that way? Well, actually my first question is usually "HOW DO I GET IT TO STOP?" Yesterday, I realized maybe the questions should be the ones above - why do I have that feeling? I talked to my husband about it and he said that he thinks everyone has them. He said, we're just not supposed to feel joy all the time, it's not reality. But that's why we do things chasing that joy. We look for it in places that tend to be unfulfilling, i.e. a new job, money, food, etc.

So my new goal for now is to just learn to sit in the discomfort until 1) it passes, 2) I figure out why it happens or a combination of the two. I really think this is something that all people struggle with (consciously or unconsciously) and the ones that find true happiness are the ones who know that they aren't always going to feel good. So we'll see!

Namaste, y'all